It lives!

^ This post brought to you by vanity (and flat caps)

People have always told me, that you're supposed to have certain moments of clarity in your life, where you realise something so profound that everything changes as a result, and you can never go back to the way things were.

For the most part, I agreed with them. Twice I've felt this way, the first was realising that I am not as ugly as I was made to feel in High School (which lead to its own set of problems... but it was fun). The second was the first time I fell in love. By that I mean LOVE, love. The one that's so strong and all consuming that you have that uncomfortable moment where it dawns on you that every time you've expressed it before, you were wrong. Beyond that I didn't think that there was anything left to "discover". I'm not saying that I didn't/don't have issues, but I'm British, and we already realise that we're pretty much the best*.

I think I just had my third, uhm, thing. I dunno what you're supposed to call these yet.

Today I realised, that the reason that I seem to be making no progress at all, is because I am trying to go in too many directions, when really I can only go in one, maybe two at best (if they're both sort of going the same way). It was more of a slow clap than an avalanche this time around, and its still clapping so bear with me.

I cannot become a Jack-of-all-trades because then I will not be able to achieve everything that I want.

I cannot fall back on just being a pretty bit floating about some rich man's palace doing chores and telling the gardener where I want the chrysanthemums and how nice the jasmine would look draped across the gazebo.

I am probably never going to be famous. ... More than probably. Almost certainly.

I want, to be a games designer and make computer games. I want my own studio. I want to be successful, and to bring imagination and the open end back to the games industry. This is really and truly what I want, and its been a running theme through my entire life although I never really took that much notice of it.

I was always that child who made games for everyone to play. I was always at the centre of a group of people who wanted to join the worlds I was spinning, even though I had very few true friends, I was always welcome because I could make the dull interesting. All my life so far I have been inventing games.

And that's exactly what I want to do for the rest of it. I want to make things that people will enjoy playing, I want to make things that you can settle yourself into as deeply as you want, I want to create rich game worlds that you can sink into at the end of a long day. I want to make things that relieve stress, and calm even the more ornery of domestic beasts. I don't want to do this with guns and missiles and controversy. I want to do this the way that I've always done things. By listening, and talking, and creating something warm.

Although...

That's quite a mountain, and I'm still way out there on the plains. I'm glad to have realised finally what I really want out of life, but its a long way and a lot of work left to do, and I am coming close to the line for at least the first part of it. So its still a slow clap. Right in the awkward stage where there's still just one jock and his loser friend making all the noise and everything else is silence.

I'll let you decide out of everyone I know, who is the jock and who is the loser. Right now I need to open Gimp and get a few MT pages done!

- SR

*Sarcasm.

Trilingual

Threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee laaaaaaaaaaaanguages! It will happen. It will happen right here. Damn it. Okay so my spanish is rusty and my grasp of Japanese falls short of basic (though now when the subtitles aren't lined up properly I can ignore them and still understand the basic gist of what is going on, or who is talking about who) but I will start writing this more and doing it in different languages.

Or something.

Okay, trilingual party starter:
So after the breakup I had one initial crush almost immediately that fizzled out and now I have a whole lot of nothing. By the way I am totally running this through a translater. So theres this guy who is kind of cute and stuff and I -want- to like him like him but I just can't foster any feelings right now, I think I must still be going through the processes of the split or something. Aarrgh why can't he and the crush guy just call back in four years or something. Do Time Machines exist yet? I could do with one of those.

Oh and I have a job lined up for the end of the year, its all pretty exciting!

ES
Así que después de la ruptura que había un aplastamiento inicial casi inmediatamente que fracasó y ahora tengo un montón de nada. Por cierto estoy totalmente de ejecutar este a través de un traductor. Así que hay un tipo que es la clase de lindo y esas cosas y yo quiero lo que le gusta como él, pero yo simplemente no puede promover ningún sentimiento en este momento, creo que todavía debe estar pasando por los procesos de la división o algo así. ¿Por qué no puede él y el chico acaba de aplastar a devolver la llamada en cuatro años o algo así. No existe todavía máquinas del tiempo? Que podría hacer con uno de ellos.

Ah, y tengo un trabajo alineado para el final del año, su todo muy emocionante!

NH
Dakara watashi wa sugu ni sonouchi shissoku shi, ima wa nani mo ariamatte iru 1tsu no saisho no kurasshu shite ita gārufurendo to wakareta nochi. Watashi wa kanzen ni tsūyaku o kaishite kore o jikkō shite iru hōhō de. Desukara, ichi-shu no kawaii mono to watashi wa gatta kare no yōna kare o suki ni ndakedo, ima wa subete no kanjō o sodateru koto ga dekinai, watashi wa mada bunkatsu ka nani ka no purosesu o tsūka suru hitsuyō ga arimasu to omou nodesu kono otoko wadesu. Naze kare wa, tokimeki no otoko ga modotta bakari no 4-nenkan nani ka de yobidasu koto wa dekimasen. Dotaimumashin wa mada sonzai shite? Watashi wa ichi-nin to dekiru. Ā, watashi ga shigoto o kotoshi-matsu made ni, sono subete hijō ni ekisaitinguna narande iru!

Maybe it would help if I actually installed the japanese language pack on this computer.

Ohhiso!

I got very distracted with life and stuff and had to call a haitus on MY THINGIE (I hate those) but its okay because I'm not going to be an illustrator anymore so I don't have to worry about making a name for myself doing that.

So yeah I kinda promised that I would keep people updated but I totally haven't and I don't know why I promised that given that I don't generally read these kinds of blogs. There's my I quota for today. You're welcome. Ahh man five minutes ago this was totally all happening but now that the computer is infront of me the words have all dissapated. Rubbish.

Btw Heather is still Bein a Wizzard. You should check it out.

The downward descent...

... I've somehow attained a catchprase. I say it at least seven times a day without realising, and when I catch myself it makes me laugh in that private way that one reserves for moments when the vicar mispronounces something Latin and makes a sermon sound rude.

The worst part is, that this phrase not only completely suits my life but also my recent attitude towards the world.

Are you ready?

Its groundbreaking sh*t.

REE's CATCHPHRASE IS:
-aaand no. I just don't care.

...

Usually followed by "off".

Christ, when did I become to apathetic?